HSBC, which once upon a time was the world’s local bank as well as my own, recently rejected one of my credit card transactions simply because the online merchant is based in England, never mind that I still had thousands of dollars in available credit. So, at long last, I decided it was time to get another card and say farewell to HSBC.
I went to the Web site of a popular local bank where I have a couple accounts, completed a
credit card application, and hit send. Nearly five years after repaying thousands of dollars in a post-marital bankruptcy, I’m still nervous about stuff like that. The little processing wheel went on and on. Finally, I figured that either it was hung up or I was rejected. About a week later, I applied again and was approved for $3,000, which was fine with me.
Or at least it was fine until the mail came that day, and I found out that the earlier application had been approved after all–for more than three times the limit of the second card. Now, I need to close one of the accounts.
The way the process put me on pins and needles made me think about other applications I’ve made: for jobs. For mortgages and apartments. For selection as a conference speaker or a writing retreat attendee. The process is similar for submitting a book or article proposal, or a short story. Many times, the answer is yes, but not always.
I wondered why I let anonymous entities have such power over me. For example, what was the worst thing that would have happened if I had been rejected for the new credit card? I would have kept the old one. If I’d been rejected for my apartment when I moved here in 2004, I probably still would have been able to move in if I’d come up with a bigger security deposit or gotten someone else to co-sign for me. If a publisher or conference says no to me, I always have the option to try somewhere else.
I decided it comes down to a matter not only of confidence, but also of faith. If God through intermediaries says “not now” or “not here” or even “no” to us, that doesn’t mean we were wrong or stupid to try. It just means we need to have faith in his love for us and apply ourselves anew.
We won’t always get what we want, because we can’t be sure what we want is what God desires for us. But the only way to find out is to discern prayerfully… and give it a try.
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