On Mondays, I answer questions frequently asked by those considering a return to the Catholic Church. How do I know this stuff? I was away for more than 30 years myself, and am the co-author of When They Come Home: Ways to Welcome Returning Catholics, a book for pastors and parish leaders interested in this ministry.
I’ve been going to the nearest parish a few months, and I don’t really have a problem with any of the rules. But the reason I quit going to Mass a few years ago was because the parish where I used to live was so cold… and this one is feeling the same way. People don’t even shake hands after the Our Father, they just nod. No one has said a word to me.
I get that it’s hard. You think that like the prodigal son, you should be welcomed back with open arms. And God does welcome you back with open arms. I’m as sure of that as I am of anything, and say it from personal experience.
His people in the pews and in the office, however, may not even know you were away. They may think you previously went to a different Mass. Or, and I know this is hard to say and not very Christlike, they may not even notice you. Yes, they should. They should welcome the stranger. But they may instead be focused on prayer and adoration of the Lord… their personal problems… or their grocery lists or meal plans after Mass.
A few suggestions: Start saying hi to people and introducing yourself as you’re leaving the sanctuary. Take a look at some of those volunteer ministries in the bulletin or on the web site, and sign up for one. Make an appointment with the adult faith formation director and sit down with him or her to discuss your gifts and how they can be used–or your spiritual needs and what groups might help you get more connected.
I am not generally a fan of parish shopping, though it’s true I personally no longer worship at the parish within whose boundaries I live. That had more to do with a desire to be part of a parish with a perpetual adoration chapel than personalities of the congregation or the clergy. I would say if you’ve done what you can to engage with your parish and it’s still not feeding you, consider trying another.
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