On Mondays, I answer questions frequently asked by those considering a return to the Catholic Church. How do I know this stuff? I was away for more than 30 years myself, and am the co-author of When They Come Home: Ways to Welcome Returning Catholics, a book for pastors and parish leaders interested in this ministry.
I made an appointment with a priest. I got a big lecture about being divorced and remarried and about how I should live with my spouse as brother and sister until the whole thing gets worked out. You call that welcoming?
No, based on your description of the meeting, I wouldn’t.
Perception is a funny thing. I once heard an Easter homily that was all about the gift of the Sacrament of
Penance and Reconciliation and reuniting ourselves with God. Later, a friend who heard the same priest’s homily fumed to me about how he had said Easter and Christmas Catholics who hadn’t been to confession better not come up for the Eucharist. Who was right? Maybe both of us. Maybe neither of us.
Priests are people too. When our tone is combative and challenging, they can get defensive and not use the friendliest language to answer our questions. It’s also true that some are more pastoral than others; not that they all don’t understand Church doctrine and dogma, but some feel that getting you back into a relationship with the Lord is the most important thing and encourage you to explore inside rather than outside the Church. Others think a more authoritarian approach is better.
My advice would be to come to Mass when you can. Listen to the beauty of what happens. Read some sound books, blogs, and other materials on Church teachings. Wait a couple of months and then, fortified with what you’ve learned, consider scheduling a second appointment with the same priest, or a first appointment with another one. Explain your situation and what you believe the Church teaches about it, and listen to the response. Ask questions. Open up a dialogue rather than a shouting match.
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