Lent 2013, Day 37: Make Me an Instrument

by Melanie on March 21, 2013

in Catholicism, Lent, Life in the 50s, Memoir, Spirituality

I’ve been out of town on an unplanned trip for much of the week, to see people I didn’t know and who weren’t expecting me. And I have to admit, I was a little surprised–and gratified–by the “me” who showed up.

I’m a blunt, plainspoken woman. No matter how I work to tame that side of me, it will never completely go away. It’s who I am, the way God made me, and in moderation, those characteristics are valuable. I am also a good storyteller, a great listener, and someone who’s passionate about most things she does. I also am someone who doesn’t want to see people hurt–but who wants even less to be hurt. As a result, I sometimes strike first verbally in uncertain, unfamiliar situations, and that characteristic is damaging to me and to others.

But not this time.

I was kind, even when people misspoke or seemed to be contradicting themselves. I was patient and asked clarifying questions instead of jumping down their throats when they didn’t provide the information I needed. I asked about their backgrounds and families instead of having a laser-focus on The Work. The Work still got done; it just got done without sarcastic remarks or eye rolling on my part, or drawn faces and forced smiles on theirs.

I don’t know if it’s that I’m more comfortable with who I am these days or that this slowing down during Lent also has slowed down my thoughts enough to allow the Holy Spirit to do its thing when I’m in stressful situations. I do know that it was a beautiful feeling to end meetings without later kicking myself for what I said or how I reacted. To paraphrase that prayer attributed to St. Francis, I focused more on giving people what they needed to provide information and less on distrusting them and pushing them away. As a result, I pray I will remember these days for a long time.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Abbeys Road March 21, 2013 at 11:19 am

Melanie, you sound a lot like me. It has been a long process and change was only possible through The Holy Spirit. I still slip up here and there, but God only knows how much I want to be that understanding woman, who waits for people to fully explain, and then to give it prayerful consideration (which sometimes has to be immediate – Call on The Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts and words) before I answer. I’ve been know to be critical, and I can only pray that God will assist me in continuing to change and be a more Christ-like woman as I drift on into my golden years, which are coming faster and faster every day.

It is such a good thing, Melanie, when you recognize yourself for who you are, faults and all, AND that you WANT to change and be a better person. God bless you for this +++

Abbey ♥

Melanie March 22, 2013 at 7:26 am

Thanks, Abbey! Totally with you there! Keep up the good work and God bless!

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