On Mondays, I answer questions frequently asked by those considering a return to the Catholic Church. How do I know this stuff? I was away for more than 30 years myself, and am the co-author of When They Come Home: Ways to Welcome Returning Catholics, a book for pastors and parish leaders interested in this ministry.
I don’t like the idea that another human being, even a priest (or especially a priest) knows what I’ve done.
Our priests are entrusted with being Christ’s representatives—not gods themselves, or intermediaries—at these special moments. They are bound not to disclose information heard in confession, though they may encourage the penitent to go to the authorities about an issue of civil law.
Are you worried that a priest you know is never going to look at you the same way again after he hears about your wicked ways? They’ve heard it all before, so often that they tend to forget what you said as soon as you’ve left.
Some Catholics actually prefer going to a priest they know “in real life” because they can talk in shorthand about the problem at hand, rather than going into a protracted explanation of why their marriage ended or why their son ran away from home. For them, talking with a trusted friend is akin to talking with God. Others prefer to receive the sacrament from someone they’ve never seen before and will never see again, driving miles to an unfamiliar church.
Often, you’ll also have the option of sitting down face to face with a priest or of sitting behind a grille in a confessional booth (also known as “the box”). If you prefer one or the other, be assertive about getting what you need; it will help you be more comfortable and open to God’s grace.
At the end of the day, the outward trappings are all about your comfort level; you’ll be blessed either way.