“Pygmy Darts” was the worst, though it made no sense.
“Smelanie” was next, because I didn’t.
A friend some time ago suggested I write on derogatory names, things like “redneck” and “hillbilly” and “cracker,” and those words we consider so vile in today’s society that we refer to them only by their first letter. “A derogatory term can only be so if the other party accepts it,” he told me.
And while that’s true and sounds so healthy in theory, there’s a big difference between 
theory and when a crowd of people sling garbage at us in a threatening way and we feel frightened or in danger. It hurts whether the names are universally considered by thinking people to be destructive, or if a group of schoolchildren come up with something designed to be mean and mocking.
Take “Pygmy Darts,” for example. I suppose it started out as a rhyme of the first part with my last name. But really? Almost everyone in my family was taller, not shorter, than the average bear. And darts? Uh? Today, I’d just laugh and keep on walking. At age eight or nine, though, it stung like crazy, even though I knew it was stupid. Same thing for “Smelanie.” Of course it was a rhyme. But I knew for a fact I bathed at least as often as the boys who called me that.
Today, I’m more in line with what my friend said. Does that mean I’m older, healthier, or primarily hang with people who like me or who are mature enough to understand name-calling is silly? Maybe all three. Still, occasionally, I’ll get an “oh, that’s right, you’re Catholic” or “you live in Arlington” or another “you’re …. (fill in the appropriate political, socioeconomic, or other phrase, always uttered in italics) that the speaker thinks puts me in one of his or her neat little boxes. These days, I’m inclined to let people think what they like and call me what they like, without getting defensive. It’s their loss not to know the full me, who I am beyond their name for me.
I had forgotten that “redneck” and “hillbilly” are used as nasty names. I describe myself as growing up as a redneck (since I’m from central Pennsylvania–Appalachia and coal country) and never give it a second thought. I think I can safely say my whole family considers it a badge of honor. We also use “hillbilly” as a term of endearment, not as pejorative. I guess motivation, intent, and context are everything.
That’s the thing… your family all is in agreement about how people feel about “redneck” and “hillbilly,” so the communication is clear both ways, sender and receiver. It’s kind of the way “Christian” may have started out as an insult, only to be adopted proudly by those it was intended to offend. That’s why I think my friend’s point is well taken about words only hurting if we choose to let them. For some of us, making that choice is more difficult than it is for others.
My favorite line – “I am beyond their name for me.”
Thanks for the note to self to avoid doing the same thing. I put people in boxes all too frequently. It’s just easier, but not right.