Someone who I love dearly just suffered a disappointment. She tried out for something she really wanted–and didn’t get it.
Do you remember a time like that in your life? For me, one of my deepest secrets came to mind. I doubt anyone else alive other than my two sisters remembers.
When I was in seventh grade, I tried out to be a cheerleader.
Now, if you know me at all, you’re probably laughing. It’s okay, too. I have to shake my head and smile about it myself. Imagine, me, nearly six feet tall even at twelve, carrying some extra pounds, not blessed with a flexible body, shouting “Axtell, Axtell, hats off to thee!” and trying to execute coordinated, peppy movements.
It boggles the mind. Perhaps I thought that somehow, the baton twirling skills my beloved Aunt Karen had taught me would make up for the fact that I’d never in my life successfully done a cartwheel or the splits.
I don’t think I was truly surprised that my name wasn’t on the locker room door along with Vada, Cindy, Sandy, Clorinda, and the rest. I was disappointed.
But out of that disappointment grew a lot of really great things. I’ve always been a joiner, and in those days I sought validation through recognition. To a degree, I still do. If I wasn’t cut out to be a cheerleader, how else could I get that need filled? I started spending time at the school library, and was selected to be a library aide the following year as a result. Both the librarians were wonderful, nurturing women, and helped expose me to some great classics and contemporary literature. I had time to develop strong friendships with about a half dozen girls in my homeroom, only one of whom I’d known before. One of them invited me to my first-ever slumber party and showed me a different world, one in which the house wasn’t filled with cigarette smoke and where you didn’t have to wonder on the weekends if your father was going to drink so much that he’d keep everyone up all night with his rambling. And out of the slam books those friends and I created (you wrote your answers “anonymously” to questions like “Who’s the cutest boy” and “Who has the best hair” and then passed the book along) came some of my earliest story writing.
Losing, while it hurt for a little bit, helped get me where I really belonged all the time.
Hats off to Axtell Park!
Beautiful post, Melanie. Our sorrows and disappointments usually help us find our blessings. Disappointment is strong measuring tool – helping us magnify the good things. Enjoyed your memory walk. Slàinte!
I, too, tried out for cheerleading in 7th grade and of course did not make it. Sadly, I don’t recall any good thing coming from the experience. Mostly I just remember being ridiculously sore for days after tryout practice.
Great post, Melanie! I was the tallest girl in my class through grade school and carried more than a few extra pounds. Our lives are parallel in other ways, though I didn’t bother trying out for cheerleading. I am delighted with that decision.