On Mondays, I answer questions frequently asked by those considering a return to the Catholic Church. How do I know this stuff? I was away for more than 30 years myself, and am the co-author of When They Come Home: Ways to Welcome Returning Catholics, a book for pastors and parish leaders interested in this ministry.
Confession, penance, reconciliation—what am I supposed to call it, anyway? And why do I have to talk to a priest about my sins; what’s wrong with just going to God?
It’s the sacrament of penance and reconciliation. It’s also known as the sacrament of forgiveness, confession, and conversion. Call it what you want, it’s all about acknowledging our sins and our sorrow for them; confessing them; being pardoned; and going forth to do better the next time, armed with God’s love.
If baptism’s special mark keeps God alive in non-practicing Catholics and communion draws us back, confession is the sacrament that typically is least understood by those contemplating a return—and by many cradle Catholics who’ve never left, not to mention converts. Everyone knows the part about confessing and the discomfort that can be associated with it. But many people forget about the peace that comes from forgiveness… and the strength that God affords us as we pledge to eradicate the sinful behavior in our thoughts and actions. In any event, we all like to talk about it. My friend Pam Spano, owner of Being Catholic. Really posed the question last week and got a slew of responses on her Facebook page. (Please consider following Pam; she’s one of the most faithful, down-to-earth, easily accessible Catholic writers around.)
No matter how large the offense, you can expect forgiveness if you come to God with a contrite soul and the willingness to examine what you did, why you did it, and ask for his forgiveness and help in not doing it again.
We go to a confessor not because we need an intermediary to talk with God—he already knows what we’ve done—but because his grace is best understood when we can see it in a tangible form. There’s something particularly freeing, once we get past the fear, in speaking our sins out loud, and hearing that we are absolved.
In addition, we confess our sins and ask forgiveness every time we go to Mass. In the Confiteor near the beginning of the celebration, we pray together that we have sinned “in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do” and ask Mary, the angels and saints, and each other to pray for us. Just before communion, we echo the words of the Roman centurion to Jesus: “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word, and my soul shall be healed.”
Those prayers can suffice for the forgiveness of venial sins. Venial sins are the small slights to God; maybe we lie about something that doesn’t result in injury to another person or to ourselves. Maybe we really didn’t think about the consequences of what we would do before we acted. Now, that’s not to say we shouldn’t avail ourselves of the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation simply because we haven’t knowingly committed a serious sin.
If you’ve committed a mortal sin—which the Catechism terms “a grave violation of God’s law”—you should seek this sacrament before receiving communion. Examples include murder, adultery, and idolatry. But offenses that seem smaller on the surface also may separate us from God in a significant way.
In addition, canon law instructs those who have committed a serious sin (and that’s nearly all of us) to go to confession at least once a year.
Depending on the parish, you may have the choice of a face-to-face confession or using “the box.” Some parishes also have reconciliation services a couple times a year, where people come together as community and pray and sing, then meet with a priest individually for the sacrament.
Finally, if it’s been a while since you went to confession (and for many returning to faith, we may be talking about decades), it might be best to schedule a conversation with your pastor or other priest rather than simply joining the line. Such a conversation can help focus your thoughts and ease your fears, and let the Holy Spirit work.
