Spiritual Roadkill

Note: On Fridays, you can find me at Your Daily Tripod, owned by my friend TonyD. A longer version of the post below appears there.

When it came to the Monkees (a ’60s TV show and sort of band), I was a Micky girl. When it comes to the Rolling Stones, I’m a Keith girl, through and through. And, when it comes to the Old Testament, I’m a total David girl.

When I went to my first reconciliation in 30-plus years, Psalm 51 was provided for guidance in the evening’s program. It was the first time I’d ever read it. It spoke to me like no other written word ever had. Like David, I had lived and sinned large. I yearned for some of that confidence of his that if I went to God with a truly contrite heart, I could be forgiven, that no matter what I had done, God still loved me.

It was painful, therefore, as I prayed over today’s readings, including Psalm 51 and 2 Samuel 11, to put myself in the place not of my friend David but in the place of his friend Uriah. David was ashamed of the truth, of his dalliance with Bathsheba and the resulting pregnancy, and was too ashamed to give the truth to Uriah. Who knows? Perhaps Uriah would have called out David. Perhaps he would have forgiven both of them and accepted the child as his own. Or perhaps he would have stepped away from his marriage so David and Bathsheba could be together. David was too frightened or too ashamed or too arrogant to find out. And so he sent his friend, a good man, to death. For the first time, the incident left me feeling a little sour, rather than uplifted by the words of Psalm 51 penned after David realizes the enormity of what he has done. We don’t know if Uriah had parents or siblings or other friends and family members to whom David went after the fact to beg forgiveness.

I thought about people I have wounded, not to the point of death but still wounded, in the years since I first read Psalm 51. I was reminded that while our relationship with God is the most important one we’ll ever have, we don’t get a pass when it comes to the way we treat others. When we break that second greatest commandment, to love others as we love ourselves, the ripple effects can be huge. And I resolved that going forward, when I think of the beauty of Psalm 51, I will keep in mind the carnage behind it, and strive to leave less debris in the wake of my time here on earth.