Lent 2013, Day 37: Make Me an Instrument

I’ve been out of town on an unplanned trip for much of the week, to see people I didn’t know and who weren’t expecting me. And I have to admit, I was a little surprised–and gratified–by the “me” who showed up.

I’m a blunt, plainspoken woman. No matter how I work to tame that side of me, it will never completely go away. It’s who I am, the way God made me, and in moderation, those characteristics are valuable. I am also a good storyteller, a great listener, and someone who’s passionate about most things she does. I also am someone who doesn’t want to see people hurt–but who wants even less to be hurt. As a result, I sometimes strike first verbally in uncertain, unfamiliar situations, and that characteristic is damaging to me and to others.

But not this time.

I was kind, even when people misspoke or seemed to be contradicting themselves. I was patient and asked clarifying questions instead of jumping down their throats when they didn’t provide the information I needed. I asked about their backgrounds and families instead of having a laser-focus on The Work. The Work still got done; it just got done without sarcastic remarks or eye rolling on my part, or drawn faces and forced smiles on theirs.

I don’t know if it’s that I’m more comfortable with who I am these days or that this slowing down during Lent also has slowed down my thoughts enough to allow the Holy Spirit to do its thing when I’m in stressful situations. I do know that it was a beautiful feeling to end meetings without later kicking myself for what I said or how I reacted. To paraphrase that prayer attributed to St. Francis, I focused more on giving people what they needed to provide information and less on distrusting them and pushing them away. As a result, I pray I will remember these days for a long time.