The Hardest Part: The Waiting or the Asking?

by Melanie on July 15, 2013

in Friendship, Life in the 50s, Memoir, Nonfiction, Saints, Sisterhood of Saints, Spirituality, Writing

In March, I asked some close friends if they knew anyone who could help me with shooting video for presentations related to my book Sisterhood of Saints: Daily Guidance and Inspiration, which comes out in September. One offered to teach me how to do it;
another connected me with a mutual acquaintance who is a retired videographer. The acquaintance sent me a note asking when we could get together to discuss.

I ignored them both for a while, making all kinds of excuses to myself. But the truth is I was freaked out. I have no problem speaking in public or interviewing people. I even know a little about editing video. But actually shooting the video, well, that was something else. I can’t take decent still photos, let alone run video equipment while women are talking about their favorite female saints.

So I procrastinated. In June, the friend with equipment came over for dinner. The more he showed me, the more I became convinced I couldn’t do this myself. But even when he offered to lend me his cameras, I couldn’t quite come clean.

Finally, one Sunday after Mass in late June, I prayed on it: God, I can’t hide it from you. I’m scared at my very core about this. I want this project to honor you and do what you need it to do. Please guide me.

Two days later, I had a voice mail from Paul, the videographer acquaintance, asking if I still needed help. I called him back the next day and came clean that it was fear that had kept me from answering him earlier, and thanked for being the answer to my prayer. He couldn’t have been kinder or gentler, and the project is now moving apace.

I’d like to think this all shows that I was right to drag my feet on this for a few months, that the answer came in the fullness and richness of time. But I know what really happened was that holding my apprehension up to the Light made it dissipate… and gave God and Paul the room to do their thing. I’m grateful to them both.

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