Blessings in Bankruptcy

Last week was the seventh anniversary of my Chapter 13 bankruptcy filing. In theory, that means that the bankruptcy should start disappearing from my credit history. In practice, however, I’m told one never totally leaves a bankruptcy behind.

I’m not sure it’s bad that something that significant stays on your “permanent file.” My filing was for more than $200,000 of credit card debt incurred during my marriage, and I personally repaid $109,332 of it over about three years. I’m past explaining how it happened and who did what. More important is that the experience changed my life in ways beyond how I manage my money and whether I’ll ever again trust anyone with it.

• Bankruptcy forced me to ask people for help, not necessarily monetary assistance (though I will always be grateful to my sister for the loans and gifts she provided during that time), but prayers and business referrals and the rescheduling of even simple dinner plans until my budget allowed. It also helped me to accept help in all forms–including mountains of great secondhand clothes from a dear friend.
• Bankruptcy taught me resourcefulness. At times, the paycheck from my day job was less than $1,000 per month due to the garnishment. I ramped up a successful business and worked more hours at home than I care to remember. I did any communications-related job that was ethical–creating content for a board game and putting together a series of dog care books from a university’s newsletter articles, for example, beyond the typical content evaluation and copyediting/proofreading assignments.  I sold much of my children’s books collection to help make ends meet. I went through most of the repayment time without buying any new clothes other than underwear.
• Bankruptcy gave me back some self-confidence. The day I opened the letter from the judge formally notifying me the repayment plan had been satisfied, I cried with relief. Then I got up the nerve to get a secured credit card from my credit union. The gift continues; this weekend, I wanted to go to an event on the other side of the DC metro area, an area where I’d have to drive rather than take public transit, a frightening concept for me. It wasn’t the first situation where I told myself if I’d made it through bankruptcy, I could certainly do this. The reminder worked.

Now, I wouldn’t recommend drowning yourself in debt to experience the positive impacts of bankruptcy. I do, however, treasure the things I learned through my experience, and believe that even the most difficult situation can be a blessing while we’re in it and when we get to the other side.